Kat's Blog

Holding grudges

2007-08-09T08:37:00.001-07:00

I think I'm gonna' die of an ulcer some day. A great big one working in conjunction with a heart attack. I'm pissed off today. I am pissed off because of a small thing, but it's because of an ongoing problem at work. I won't go into details, because the point of this blog is to cool down without making a big fuss.

I'm wishing for the life of me I could figure out how to let go of grudges and confrontations more easily. The incident that's bothering me happened almost a half hour ago, but my stomach/chest is still tight, and I'm still trying to breathe normally. This isn't healthy. I know it's not. But I'm still doing it.

I'm writing/typing this out in hopes that I'll talk myself down. It doesn't seem to be working. Maybe if I read it over..? Nope. Reading it over just makes it worse.

Well, I'm doing my best to make sure I don't start a fight or anything. That's the best I can do. This isn't high school, so I shouldn't feel the fear of a confrontation like I still do. I think I'm worried I'll get hit physically (subconsciously) if I piss someone off. But I'm an adult. So are my co-workers. I shouldn't be feeling this. It doesn't help that I'm the youngest in the office, and it seems like everyone sees me that way, too, instead of as an equal.

Okay... let it go. Just let it go. No, seriously... let it go. *sighs* can't let it go... what do I do?

"Officially" Lady Kat

2006-07-31T15:15:00.000-07:00

*cheers, bounces up and down, breathes a sigh of relief*

Accepted: Katerine Morgane de Montrevel. Name and device. Per bend Or and sable, on a bend gules between a natural panther dormant sable and a peacock close three fleurs-de-lys Or.

And now, to the projects I was waiting to start until I received the above. :) *grins maniacally, then whimpers a little*

What do you think about?

2006-07-28T13:34:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking recently about my life, my thoughts, and whether or not I'm actually "living" or just "existing".
Unfortunately, my brain keeps wrapping around the latter.
I can't seem to find a purpose or a goal that I am willing to stick with.
I keep setting goals for myself, and not following through on them. I set to lose weight, over and over again, and I just let it go. I'm now 40 pounds heavier than I was this time last year. That bugs me, and it's affecting me physically.
I set to look into going back to school. I keep putting it off, thinking that I won't do it anyway because of how I treated it when I was there before, and because I don't have a car and hate the bus. I want to augment my skills/knowledge in regards to being a law clerk. But, until I stop procratinating, it isn't going to happen.
I have pushed away all the people that annoy me, which makes for a lonely existence. My tolerance level has dwindled in the last several years. I used to subconsciously search out those that needed my help and/or guidance. Now, ignorant and stupid people just play annoy me. But I think I'm somewhat of a hypocrite in my own brain.
I've run away from an activity that I used to love because of the people. It has become my life, where it used to be a hobby. It's reenactment. It's not supposed to be your whole life; and it's frustrating when one minute someone's calling you "family" and the next you're being told "it's just a game".
I don't know where I'm at, or where I'm going, and it's kind of scary at the age of 26. I know I have a home, and employment. Those are my two constants. But that's really it. Where do I go from here? Is this all? I don't know.

Power and the Internet Part 2

2006-07-23T12:24:00.000-07:00

So we never did get the power fixed, and the harmonic is still there. But the story continues...

I called the company that sold me the computer about the fact that I got it home, plugged it in, and it kept randomly restarting. Of COURSE they tell me that they don't deal with it, and that I need to call the manufacturer for support: eMachines.

So I did. I get a really nice lady on the phone who goes through a bunch of basics to make sure everything is set as far as software goes, then tells me that she can't figure out what's wrong over the phone, so she's going to send a shipping label and that I have to send it back for diagnosis/repairs. So I get the label about a week later, box it up, and send it away to the company.

I call about a week later, and ask if it was received and to see how long they would have it. I'm told that they've just replaced a part and that I should have it back by the end of the week.

Two weeks later, I call back because I still haven't received it. At this time I'm told that they've just 'received' the part that needs to be replaced and that I should have it back at the end of the week. I blink blankly a couple of times and ask "how is it that my machine has gone back in time?" The person doesn't know. They're just telling me what the screen says. I sigh and say fine, and hang up.

Another couple of weeks later, I call back because I still haven't received my computer. I ask yet again why I haven't received the computer and am told that now the part is "on order" and that once it's received I should have it back at the end of the week it's received. I glare at the phone as I have it on speaker. "Excuse me?" Yet again, my computer seems to have gone back in time. I ask about it and am told, yet again, that they don't know that they're simply reading the screen. At this time, I insist on speaking with a supervisor. The guy asks me why and tells me there's no point because they'll tell me the same thing. I insist anyway and am put on hold for a half hour. At the end of that half hour, I get a supervisor on the phone, who seems to have access to a DIFFERENT screen. He informs me that indeed the part is on order and that nothing else can be done at this time. I ask why people keep lying to me. He gives me the number for the corporate headquarters and that I should follow up with them from now on, and that I can put my complaint in then, and make sure I call if I haven't received my computer in the next week or two.

So yet again, two weeks later, I call the number I was given, and ask about my computer. The guy refuses to give me his full name, or an employee number, AND refuses to let me speak with a supervisor after I insist upon being told yet again that there's nothing they can do and that I'll get the computer in a couple of weeks. When I tell him he can't refuse to allow me to speak with a supervisor, he says "I just did". Wow... such wonderful customer service. So I agree and simply listen to him tell me that my computer will arrive when it arrives.

So anyway.. rather than bore you further... two weeks before three months, I finally have had enough, and threaten legal action if I haven't received my computer back by the end of the week. I receive it three days later.

Yay, right? Wrong.

Within three days, it does the EXACT same thing it did when I sent it in for "repairs". ARGGGH!!!!

So I give up on the company. I refuse to send it back in and not get it back for another three months. I have a friend who used to build/repair eMachines through a local shop. He came over and had a look at my machine. He takes about two minutes, and finds out that the version of Windows that eMachines has loaded on the machine is corrupt. Yup, that's right.. corrupt! We have a look at the backup disks I apparently wasn't supposed to receive and yup.. they're corrupt too. So all the time wasted without a computer was because of a stupid error with THEIR software.

Do I call them back and complain again? HELL NO! I am so NEVER dealing with eMachines again! And if I have any say whatsoever, nobody I know will EVER purchase anything from that company EVER again....

So I have had it reloaded... and the CD drive doesn't work. I will replace that, and hopefully then I won't have any more problems. Wish me luck! *sighs*

Power and the internet

2006-01-11T20:13:00.000-08:00

So starting around this time last year, I started having problems with my computer that I had built myself about 6 or so years ago. Since it was somewhat outdated, I figured it was a problem with the computer itself. So I spent the entire year trying to figure out what was wrong. I did everything from installing an anti-virus program to completely reformatting it. The problem was random restarting.

None of this helped, so finally I decided to buy a new computer. I got it home, let it settle (dunno' why 'cept it's what I do with all new equipment that's been jostled a bit in shipping), then plugged it in. Guess what? Before it even fully booted up, it restarted for no apparent reason.

Two computers that are completely unrelated to each other doing the same thing? This wasn't a computer issue. I just knew it! So I asked my dad (a licensed electrician) to come test the power and change the outlet. He did both and couldn't find a problem. We went out and bought a UPS and tried it like that. It still restarted randomly and for no apparent reason.

So I put in a work order with the building I live in. If it's outside the unit walls, they're supposed to fix it. I wait about a week and a half, and ask about any progress. The manager tells me he's made some calls and that it has to be just a virus. I had to hold back the words that tried to flow freely. I told him that if I had to call in an electrician myself, I would as long as they would pay me back for the repairs.

He tells me that as long as I prove that it's a building problem and not within the unit, he will reimburse me.

I call an electrician, and they agree to come, but for cash only, so no receipt. It was only $50 for them to come check it out, so I agreed. If it would find out the problem I was more than willing to try.

The guy comes in. He tests the UPS. It's fried. He doesn't think it's from the power, but it isn't working. He checks the walls.. and finds something called a third level harmonic running from ground to neutral. I ask him if this would cause a computer to randomly restart. He assured me wholeheartedly that it could.

Now you're probably wondering why I wouldn't just get my dad to check for frequency levels.... well, his tools are all paid for by his workplace, and his workplace won't allow him to take them from the premises (industrial setting).

So I ask the electrician if the company he works for could write a letter to me explaining what he had told me. He agreed, and I received it within a few days.

I bring it to the building manager, and again wait about a week. When I check in with him about progress he tells me that the board of directors feels that this an inside-the-unit problem and that they won't pay for the repairs.

*sigh* So now my parents and I are working on proving that it is the building causing the problem and not the unit. Both the electrician I had in and my father agree that this isn't something that could be caused by the breaker panel but instead has to be caused by a power feed.

Oh well... wish us luck!

Kitties... yay!

2005-12-29T17:45:00.000-08:00

So I decided to bite the bullet and adopt a kitten. I went to the humane society, looking for a new black kitty like my first kitty Caleb. He's become an outdoor cat and since I live in a condo building that won't work anymore. So I've been incredibly lonely, having grown up with pets all my life.

I'm not supposed to have pets in my building, so cats are the only thing I might be able to get away with since they're much more quiet than dogs, and I love how self-sufficient they are.

So I went to the humane society, looking for a new black kitty. I found him... with his sister. They had been brought in because their previous family was moving. Unlike the other kittens there for adoption, these ones did not try to hold on with their claws, but simply held my hand. They were sweet from the get-go. I was instantly in love.

I was originally only intending to adopt one kitten, but upon thinking about it, realized that two would be better since I work Monday through Friday, 9:00 to 5:00. This way they can keep each other company.

Anyway, so I"ll write more later, but I'm so happy I got them... I've been distracted by something, so anything else I type wouldn't make sense tonight anyway.

Good night, all. :)

(awww... they're so gosh-darn cute!!!)

How I'm feeling...

2005-12-16T18:36:00.000-08:00

I'm sure a whole bunch of people do the whole "why me?" thing about how their life is horrible and they can't understand why it should be happening to them. I'm sure there are a bunch of people who have said people should stop whining and say "life is life, deal with it".

I don't know. I kind of side with both sides, which, I guess, makes me a two-faced hypocrite. I think people should have a place to vent. If they don't have a person to talk to, at least they can then talk to SOMEone on here about how they're feeling. However, venting and wanting pity are two different things.

I used to feel the same way. I was on welfare, couldn't find work, or love for that matter, and I was beyond depressed. I actually went to the point where I asked my doctor for some medication to help bring me up at least a little bit.

However, I kept going, kept looking for work, and made opportunities for myself. So I guess I don't mind listening to someone having a bad day, but I hate when they keep going on and on about it.

LOL.. I have a feeling I'm going to end up one of the ones that keeps going on and on, now that I think about it. Oh well. I guess someone can tell me to shut up... I'm sure I'll eat those words in the coming months.

Well, I think that's enough for my first (technically second) post.

Toodles.

testing..

2005-12-16T18:31:00.000-08:00

Well, my laptop keeps going offline, so I need to make sure this thing works first. Hopefully it will.